Friends questioning your parenting ability?

What would you do if your best friends were constantly questioning your ability to parent. They're currently expecting and act like they're veterans when they're judging our parenting style. We use spaking as a form of punishment but it is NEVER the first step. We give verbal correction, with opportunity for our kids to correct their behavior, we revoke privelages and if the actions are severe and blatantly rebellious we do spank out of correction- not anger. We've worked very hard with both of our kids and get compliments by older and younger people when we go out on how well behaved they are. And it's because they generally have a desire to please us- not because they're scared. They constantly imply that they think it's funny how much our kids get away with and that when they have kids, it's never going to get that far. How do you respond to that without sacrificing the friendship? I know they're out of line. They're basically suggesting that we spank immediately. Ugh.Friends questioning your parenting ability?
Welcome to parenting. everyone has an opinion about how to do it better. ignore them, or tell them that you apprecitate the concern but you're doing fine and their butting in is starting to affect your friendship. nothing will stop people from criticizing you parenting skills, but hopefully they'll at least cut back(to your face) if you talk to them about it.


with me it was my sisters. i had to tell one she could talk to me about diet the first time i see her four year old eat a vegetable, or anything other than chicken nuggets. the other one i said could tell me how to get my baby to sleep through the night when her 6 year old does. they both backed off.Friends questioning your parenting ability?
Press you ignore button. Keep up the good work your doing.


Parenting in other peoples eyes, should never influence you skills.
You know what l've learnt as a parent? EVERYONE is an expert on raising other people's children! Just tell them politely (or not so politely if necessary), that you're very happy with the way you are raising your children, and that you feel secure in your parenting choices when you see them reflected in your children's good behaviour. Then remember to offer lots of advice when these people become parents!
They just don't agree because you don't fly off the handle at your children and I've seen parents do that and the children never grew up being well behaved. it's like they get used to being spanked and hit and it doesn't bother them and some grow up to be violent. Just consider that this may have been how your friends grew up when they were punished so just smile and realize that you're disciplining your children out of love and that is the best way to raise a child. And remember to not all children are little angels, they have tendencies to be bad sometimes, but they will learn eventually. But wouldn't it feel awful if your children grew to fear you because of your severe punishment? It's your choice to keep these people as friends but the criticism will probably get worse and they are stepping way over the line when they question your parenting. Next time they butt in with a rude comment just say that you prefer to discipline your children out of love, not anger and they probably won't say anything else.
Unfortunately most parents will be on the receipt of unsolicited advice from numerous sources throughout their kids' childhood and often beyond. It is an irritating part of being a parent. Everyone thinks they know best about parenting skills. After all, no one would be going around thinking they were rotten parents and passing that on!





It's more unusual when the advising people aren't even parents yet themselves! I mean, what do they know?!! They haven't the first clue about the role because they haven't even had their first child yet. From these people in particular, you would be well within your rights to tell them to mind their own business, and that they don't know what they are talking about.





I know that is easier said than done. You have to stick by your beliefs as parents. Others will always find fault. Just tell these people that you know what you are doing, and that they should stick to concentrating on their own impending parenthood. They will soon find out how tough it really is, and I am sure they will be eating their words soon enough. If they are the kind of parents to smack at the first opportunity, I pity their kids. Hey, you could even start giving them advice!!





Stick to your guns. Don't let them get to you. Tell them politely but firmly that you are doing things your way, and they can do things theirs. I have a sister in law who constantly assumes she knows more about parenting than I do, because she had her kids first. She would always tell me my kids would be doing such-and-such a thing soon enough, because hers did. Funnily enough, mine never did! Her kids are rude and ill mannered. Mine aren't. She still thinks she knows it all.





You can't change people, but you can deal with them when they offend you.
First of all, if they criticize you so much, w/out reason besides, I am not sure I would call them ';friends'; let alone ';best friends';.





Second, it sounds like you are doing fine. If they want to be stricter, it's their choice. I would tell them that how strict they are with their kids is their choice. You are very happy with your kids and the way they are now (and that your kids are happy with you!).





Third, do NOT babysit their child extensively. Bad idea, just plain bad idea. Anything happens to their child, they may blame you (even if it's a small ';boo-boo';). Or if their child throws a tantrum, they will blame you. They can send their kid to daycare like everyone else. Especially if they don't like your style of raising your kids.
Just tell them ';You don't have kids yet. You may feel differently when you do.'; or just tell them you will raise your kids how you see fit, and they can do the same.
I completely agree with April. Until they are in that situation they have no clue how hard it is. As for spanking immediately you can't do that for they don't understand why they are getting into trouble. they have to understand. I agree with what you are doing and I give your props for your patients with your children.
i have the same problem, except that it is with everyone telling me that i should stay on my kids. i do spank, i give verbal, and take fun stuff away from them. my 7yr old daughter would not clean her room up so i took her tv and all toys out of her room until she realized that she had to keep it cleaned up. that worked (somewhat), but i constantly have people telling me that i need to spank my kids and be stricter on them. my kids are all in the gifted program at school, the lowest grade my oldest made this year is a 95, and when we go out, my kids are the only ones not up and running around, screaming and hollering, and pitching fits in public, and they have great manners as well.


all i can tell you is that every family is different. tell them that they can raise their children the way that they want to and you will raise yours the way you want to. if they keep on about it, then just tell them that you appreciate the advise, but that your choice of discipline is working just fine. my kids do get to do alot of things that other kids their ages would love to do but can't because the parents won't let them do it. my girls are 7,5, and 1 - the 7 and 5 yr old get to go hunting and fishing every weekend and holidays - whereas most kids their ages around my area don't get to do things like that. it's all in how the parent wants to be with their kids. so keep up with what you are doing as long as it works - if they don't like it they don't have to be around ya'll. Good luck!
Tell them to butt out! It's not their business. If they don't....then start cutting your visits shorter....
These do not sound like your best friends to start with, if they want to talk to you about a problem, they would find a way to do it with out critisizing. But you now have your out not to keep their children, ';Sorry, but since you constantly question my ability to parent my own children, I would not want you to worry about your own children being in my care';


Your children should respect and fear you, I choose not to do drugs, cause my parents would KILL me! Or so they made me think.
It's your children, not theirs. If you don't want to hear them criticize you, then don't talk about your children with them or just try to blow them off by saying, ';We all have our different ideas of raising children. When you have children, you can implement yours.';





The only thing I would say is... if your children are running around making a fool of themselves while they are around, that might be the impression that they get. However, if they act like other children, then it's just them. In that case, I would ignore them. As long as your children grow up to be fine, outstanding citizens, does it really matter what your friends say?
Just tell them it's great that they have settled on their way of parenting and that you have settled on yours. If they have a problem with yours then they should reevaluate their relationship with you. Once the child is born...almost every plan you ever had is altered...they'll realize that soon enough.





The next time they say so, just tell them you have a system and it works. If they keep talking, tell them you appreciate their opinions but these are your children and these are your rules and to please respect your choices.
Hi heather,


I am not going to lie to you. These people will never change. They will find a way around any argument you make in your own defense.





If you want to maintain the friendship, you will be better served to smile when they start their criticism. do not reply or respond. As hard as it sounds, just let those comments slide off your back.





If they are asking you to watch their child, this is the perfect opportunity to have a sit down conversation with them and let them know how hurtful their comments have been, how critical they have been and how you cannot watch their children if you will be under their microscope.





Good luck to you, dealing with these self-righteous people.
You might want to suggest every so pleasantly that untill they actually are in the situation they dont know just how they will handle things. And that every parent has their own style. But, I would only let it go so far and then get nasty about it if need be. Its not their place to say anything about your parenting style.
evrybodys an expert(in their own oppinion ) if you believe that you are bringing your kids up right and justly ignore what evry one else thinks take it all with a pinch of salt and just carry on in your own sweet way !!!